Due to the school’s Covid-19 procedures, water fountain spouts are now closed, and if students would like to drink water at school, they are required to bring their own water bottles or purchase one at lunch. We decided to give students the greatest gift of all, a guide to which water fountain is the best, and which water fountain isn’t worth your hydration.

Our scale:
Here is what we decided to rate the water on, or what probably makes up the most important characteristics in a good bottle of water to carry around during your school day. When making our scale, a rating of “1” is obviously the worst: The worst of the worst quality, and something is WRONG in this category of water. A rating of “5,” represents the best of the best characteristics, and something the water should be sought out for.

Categories:

• Water Temperature/Coolness – Rated on a scale from 1-5
  • 1 being a blowtorch, and 5 being drips of an ice glacier
• How willing am I to drink this water while stranded on a desert island? – Rated on a scale from 1-5
  • 1 being “I would rather drink sunrays” and 5 being “I would fight any cactus for this water”
• How much does this taste like I’m licking a metal pole? – Rated on a scale of from 1-5
  • 1 being “I have never seen a pole in my life” and 5 being “I’m not just licking the metal pole, but I am the pole”

First Floor Water Fountain – Located Next to the First Floor Bathroom

How cool is the water?

Katie: “We just solved Global Warming with this water.”

Sophie: “The coolness is definitely the best of the best. I would marry this water.”

How willing am I to drink this water while stranded on a desert island?

Katie: “It kind of tastes like if Aquafina was good.”

Sophie: “This and the third floor has to be the best of them all.”

How much does this taste like licking a metal pole?

Katie: “This water is educated; It goes to Harvard.”

Sophie: “I would drink this every time.”

Shop Class – Located Just Down the Hall from the Shop Classroom

How cool is the water?

Katie: “It definitely smells like the YMCA pool water.”

Sophie:  “It’s ok.”

How willing am I to drink this water while stranded on a desert island?

Katie:  “I would drink this to stay alive but I wouldn’t be truly living.”Sophie: “This water is the cheap gas station water. The kind you get in a huge bottle for a big trip. And you only get it because all you have drank up to that point on the road trip are really sugary drinks. This is like water you always have a ‘buy four for a dollar’-type sale.”

How much does this taste like I’m licking a metal pole?

Katie: “I get a hint of metal but only the clasp of a metal bracelet.”

Sophie: “Not quite an earring but an earring back.”

2nd Floor – Located by the 2nd Floor Bathrooms

How cool is the water?

Katie: “It wouldn’t melt my ice but I would still need the ice.”

Sophie: “YAAASSS.”

How willing am I to drink this water while stranded on a desert island?

Katie: “This water reminds me of when you go to Runge Nature Center and drink from their outdoor water fountains. Specifically when it is fall so the water is a bit more chilly then in the summer.”

Sophie: ” Disappointed…but not too disappointed. How my mom describes me to her friends.”

How much does this taste like I’m licking a metal pole?

Katie:  “Either taste like metal or don’t. Just commit.”Sophie:  “Two words: mediocre and ‘metallicy’.”

Extra Commentary

“The water reminds me of water you would drink from a garden hose.” -Mr. Miriani, English Teacher

3rd Floor – Located by the 3rd Floor Bathroom

How cool is the water?

Katie: “A garden hose in late fall.”Sophie:  “Like when you get a C+. Nothing to complain about but nothing to celebrate.”

How willing am I to drink this water while stranded on a desert island?

Katie: “I used to walk all the way down to a different floor to fill up my water bottle when I was on the 3rd floor. But this year it is actually good like I would willingly drink this.”Sophie: “Last year this was absolutely awful and I would avoid it at all cost. This year it is drinkable.”

How much does this taste like I’m licking a metal pole?

Katie: “The metal has definitely dabbed at my tongue.”

Sophie:  “You think it’s fine until the after taste.”

Girl’s Bathroom in the Cafeteria – The Fountain Located Closest to the Girl’s Bathroom

How cool is the water?

Katie:  “A lake with a lot of fish.”

Sophie: “Broken hot tub water.”

How willing am I to drink this water while stranded on a desert island?

Katie: “I would rather water a cactus with this water than drink it.”

Sophie: “If I’m dying then, and only then, I would take a sip.”

How much does this taste like I’m licking a metal pole?

Katie: “No comment.”Sophie: “Not as bad. Still tastes like an earring.”

Extra Commentary

“This water is the water you get when you’re at Six Flags and you have to buy a Dasani water and you drink it all because Dasani has salt in it to make you thirsty. So you have to fill it back up at one of those nasty water fountains scattered around the park. And you only drink it because you’re in line for a ride and bored out of your mind.” – Katie

“For all you football players, it tastes like your Water Tree. So if you ever start to miss your Water Tree, you can get the same exact water at this water fountain.” – Sophie

Boy’s Bathroom in the Cafeteria – The Fountain Located Closest to the Boy’s Bathroom

How cool is the water?

Katie:  “The coolness distracted me from the terrible quality of the water.”

Sophie: “The most hyped part of this water.”

How willing am I to drink this water while stranded on a desert island?

Katie: “I’d rather drink the groundwater.”

Sophie: “I’d rather take a cactus and drink from it.”

How much does this taste like I’m licking a metal pole?

Katie: “It’s horrible but there is no metal taste.”

Sophie: “It’s not metallic, it just tastes like toilet water.”

Extra Commentary

“It tastes like I went into the Boy’s Bathroom, opened up a toilet, stuck my head in and started to drink.” – Sophie

Final Ranking

1. First Floor
2. Second Floor
3. Third Floor
4. Shop/Woodworking Class
5. Girl’s Bathroom – Cafeteria
6. Boy’s Bathroom – Cafeteria

Our Final Thoughts

Sophie’s: I believe you shouldn’t even acknowledge the water fountains next to the boy’s and girl’s bathroom in the cafeteria, or the water fountain next to woodworking/metals. Not only were these water fountains warm, but they also smelled like I stuck my head into a toilet bowl, and took a long sip. Yes, if you get desperate after gym or before practice this is an option, but I highly recommend just walking to a different one.

My favorite water in general, was the first floor. This water is the holy grail of the school. This water is going to get you through your exhausting school day, cool you down while you drink it at practice, and make you feel like you paid for expensive water. My second favorite was the second-floor water. It also has some aspects of coolness, and I would drink this water if I was stranded. Would I fight a cactus for it? No. And last but not least, the third-floor water. This water in my opinion was mediocre. I don’t even want to mention the third-floor water from last year, (all the OG’s know) and the water from this year compared to last is incredibly better.

In the end, you are drinking school water, and school water can only be so good to a degree.

Katie’s: I agree with Sophie to a degree, that the cafeteria water fountains were putrid.

These water fountains tasted like a mix of a toilet bowl that hasn’t been cleaned in a good month and a half, and Runge Nature Center water, which the little children that go there rub their mouths on it and never gets cleaned. My third favorite, however, was woodworking. I didn’t think it was too bad, but I wouldn’t seek it out purposefully. My second favorite was on the second floor, and my first favorite was on the first floor. I wouldn’t say it is the holy grail of water in general (I mean this is school water, what do you expect?), but it was nice and cool, didn’t have a severe metallic taste at all, not to mention I would fight a cactus for this water any given day.